Too late.
I really wish I had an iPhone for the previous 27 years of my life.
OK, maybe realistically like 17. Or 12. OK, 10.
If I’d had it to record and share events in my life the way I do now, I can just see the meter above my head marked “interesting person” scrolling to a much, much higher number.
I would have pictures of the time I fell off a thoroughbred horse and went to the ER, and the hoof shaped marks on my arm.
I’d have pictures of babysitting the catholic family with nintyeleven children. They made the Duggar family look tame. (coming from me, I know there is some irony there.)
I’d have a detailed account of the time Jenny and I decided to drive until we ran out of gas for the scientific purpose of finding out how accurate her gas gauge really was. Then we got to a bad part of town and realized how dumb the idea was and hit up the nearest gas station because neither of us knew how to talk to crack dealers effectively.
I’d have more vivid and accurate recollections of the crazy people I’ve worked for. Like pictures of the CD changer at Dr. Ward’s which had exclusively Yanni, Jim Brickman, and an occasional Beatles album. And the sucky murals I painted for her. And the weird discussions we had because I was a Christian and she was a “who knows spiritual whatever” and that was interesting to her.
I would have pictures of sitting on a street corner in Mexico feeling the most exhausted a human is allowed to feel, and placidly watching a parked car go from “normal car” to “blazing inferno”, to “pretty much no more car” as the nearby shop keepers resourcefully put it out before the firetruck got there.
And pictures and a story of the video store in Brazil that had 5 English dubbed titles and the selection was SO funny. I wish I remembered what they were. I’m pretty sure 3 of them were Harrison Ford films, and the other 2 Kung Fu.
Among the other interesting things I would have record of would be the week I was literally stalked by a crazy person while living on my own, the time time my brother and I got lost in a national forest in a jeep when neither of us were legal drivers yet and got chased by a swarm of wasps. Also the time I walked into an alligator pen obliviously chatting up the employee without realizing it until waaaaaay to late. And the one day when my neighbors were shooting air-soft guns at my front door and woke my daughter up. Oh wait, that was yesterday. Never mind.
There would also be a very alarming record of meeting Shannon for the first time and all odd events that followed. I guess that is important enough that some of those details are still burned into my mind with fair accuracy I think I will elaborate more. Later.
iPhone, you’re cool and helpful, but I sure could have used you a decade ago.