othersomethings.com

I don’t often have “blonde moments” but when I do they are pretty good.

You know the joke about the blonde who tells her doctor “it hurts here, and here, and here…” and he says “you’re finger is broken”?

I was trying on shoes last night. 8 pairs and they ALL hurt. They hurt so bad. Why does this store not have a single shoe that fits me?

Then I looked at my foot. I had a blood blister on my pinkie toe, which is where all the shoes were “not fitting me.”

It took 8 pairs.

In other news, Ella is saying more words. And she can put the letters in her alphabet puzzle in the proper spaces…I’m not raising a “special” child after all!!!!

*sigh of relief*

This is about a group of things I’ve noticed. Specifically, birds, in various forms and functions.

I noticed something about the Emerald Coast and decided before I moved I WOULD record the aberrations.

Case #1.

The bird mailbox. Friends of the Martin’s will recognize this, as it was the “landmark” for finding their house in Shalimar. Who wakes up one morning and thinks “I need a new mailbox. Perhaps a metal bird in purples and pinks?”

I don’t think I want to have lunch with that person.

Case #2.

This sucker caught my eye one day while driving HWY 20 home from Freeport. I usually drive that way in the dark, so it’s no wonder it escaped my attention until just several short months before we moved. But once it did…oh my.

First, this thing is HUGE. Those are large palm whatevers in front of it. It’s at least 9, perhaps 10 or even 11 feet tall. And it has girth too. The way it is situated behind the bushes quite literally makes it look like it’s sitting in a giant nest. Clever of the owner, no? The symbolism gets better, because BESIDE this monster, is…get this…

It does INDEED have a baby!!!!!!!

I know, right?

The thought process behind this display is just….wow. I don’t even know. Granted, I know some people wind up with weird things in their yard through no fault of their own *cough GIANT lighthouse cough* but still. This is proudly on display next to a busy highway. It was intentional, and thought out. And you can tell they really, really like it.

More recently I had a day of bird watching. I will illustrate with carefully placed and artfully crafted arrows.

We had a stormy day last week, and while driving home along the river I noted seagulls were taking shelter on the docks. It wasn’t that it was unusual to see some birds on a dock. But that there were millions (my arrows don’t do justice) and they were on EVERY dock for the stretch of a mile was, in fact unusual to me.

Along the same road, on the same day, I stopped for this little gathering several times in the stretch of 20 feet…they couldn’t make up their minds which side of the road was better.

dumb birds.

And to top the week off, tuesday I met “The Flying Penguin.”

Meet Sister Mary.

I can’t make this stuff up. She’s the real deal…full on habit, rosary and crucifix, wimple and all.

She stayed with us for three days, en route  to Haiti. We got to know each other fairly well. She doesn’t like to be called “The Flying Penguin” but accepts the term as an endearment from a select one or two. So we settled on “Sister Mary” and all was well. Of the people I’ve met in the last 5 years, she’s going on the “most interesting” top 10. She’s lived everywhere, gone everywhere, speaks several languages, knows her church history down to the exact dates by heart, thinks the current papal system and pope is a joke, 9/11 was a conspiracy, was friends with Dr. Atkins since the 70′s, loves onion bagels and was born and raised in New York city.

Did I mention she has the gift of gab? And is hard of hearing. Go figure. She’s in Haiti right now, finally found a flight for her. From there she’s going to Argentina or something. She’s a flyer.

Godspeed, sister.

In an effort to take something off Cherie’s plate, I offered to pick up some water purifiers (it’s what her dad’s ministry does) that are going on a plane tonight.

I had her keys, and as I turned the key to the building, I remembered seeing an alarm keypad just inside that door the day before and realized I didn’t know the alarm code.

By the time I called her and got the code and entered it properly, the alarm had already gone off and I had a minute to get to a phone. I missed the phone call, and went downstairs to start loading the cases, I saw the policeman at the door shining his light in. I opened it, invited him in and he waited while I called the alarm company to give them the code.

To be fair, if I weren’t dressed in my church clothes and wasn’t wearing baby hair clips and tan leather dress shoes, it REALLY looked like I was doing something criminal. I was loading 6 large black cases and a red drawstring canvas bag out of a dark wearhouse onto a cart and loading it into a waiting van.

He was satisfied and went back out, I thought he left. But when I backed out the side door with the full cart, I saw the two police cars still there and the officer yelled out “what are you stealing?”

I said “water purifiers for Haiti…”

And the two officers joked about how bad it’d be for them if I really was stealing.

Then one of them grabbed the two cases that were falling off the cart and they both helped me load them into the van. The one said “I’d be in so much trouble if you really are stealing these.” and I laughed, and said “yeah, especially since these are $2000 apiece. People keep calling wanting us to donate them, and boy are they dissappinted.”

He loaded the last one, and I said “thanks so much!”

He said “have a good evening.”

He’s either a terrible cop, or I have a promising career in a life of crime.

Today has been exceptional.

By that, I don’t mean “amazing” or “super great” I mean…it has been the exception. To pretty much all other days in my recent past.

lets work our way backwards here.

I may possibly never get invited to a “Princess House” party ever again. Or any kind of home selling party, for that matter. And if I do, I will have to wear a name tag that says “not allowed to ask questions.”

I’m just saying, if you’re trying to sell me hundreds of dollars worth of kitchen items, I am perfectly justified in asking a few detailed questions. Right? Am I the only person in the history of princess house shows who gets the contact info for the supervisor so I can ask her how long the company projects a profit from the current business model in a recession?

Yeah, I probably am.  Poor lady, doesn’t know what’s about to hit her. I have so many questions. What IS the process for making the glassware non-stick? (Google failed me.)

Before that, we had dinner at my folks, and before that I walked past my brother-in-law at walmart, (we exchanged a surprised “hi!” but in spite of the fact that we haven’t seen each other since I moved here, we both kept on walking. Hmm.)

Here comes the exceptional part.

I worked today. Like, did stuff that helped someone and perhaps others, and so forth.

Every time I answered the phone, I had to pause because the FIRST words in my mouth were “Shoreline Church” and I haven’t worked there in two YEARS!!!! So I paused and then answered some garbled form of “air mobile ministries.” And half the calls I got were “what the soup of the day was.” If that boggles your mind, yeah, mine too.

So there have been earthquakes in Haiti. Like, a lot of them. And here’s the thing…my brother Kyle is there. He flew down on a NASCAR plane (what does that mean? I don’t know. I thought NASCAR meant cars.)  a few days after the first one, and has been…doing a lot. I don’t know what exactly, I think it can be summed up in “anything and everything.” with an orphanage there. There is a lot of damage, a lot of need, a lot of hurt people, and it sickens me to say it but a LOT of dead people. A lot of everything every family and individual hopes to never have to experience or deal with.

Kyle’s wife Cherie is 6 months preganant, and if it weren’t for that and his stern “you’re not coming” she would be there too. So instead, she is here. Manning 4 seperate phone lines from early in the morning til late at night. Her priority is 1. Kyle is still alive, 2. Supplies and DOCTORS and hopefully 1 engineer are being flown on private planes into Haiti, 3. children that have visas and are in the adoption process are being flown OUT on the same private planes, 4. a million other things that are imporatant and pressings and everything all at once because DISASTER is a big word and is spelled with two S’s.

So I handled at least one of her phones today. And I emailed for her. And had others do things. And it was good to feel useful on a not-domestic level.

And I prayed for people. And people responded. And I called people. And people responded. And I got some weird calls. And some annoying calls. And some GREAT calls. And some “this isn’t going anywhere” calls. That’s what answering a phone IS, right? “Weird, annoying, great, or dead-end.”

And before that, I dropped my daughter off at my parents house for the day. And I really did miss her. I didn’t miss her, but I missed her.

I’m probably going to have to do penance or something for the princess house thing.

Actual conversation:

Me: leave the oven on, I’m going to put a pie in.

Shannon: what kind?

Me: pumpkin.

Shannon: oh, well you should make a “cleaning the kitchen” pie.

Me: how about a “shut the heck up pie?”

Shannon: that one is about as likely as mine. Besides, they’d both have to be imported.

On a side note, did you know that the U.S. Is in a pumpkin shortage? I didn’t. Until today. When I tried to buy some, and found signs telling me so.

This is a two parter. The first part, I will give you a little history. The second part, I will tie it in with the events of today.

Part 1.

Several years ago, (ok…more like 8-9 years ago) my sister Harmony took part in a little impromptu Q&A on stage at church. Think “Bill Cosby and kids say the you get the picture.” I’m going to guess she was 5. When asked to spell Jesus, she (ironically) blurted out “J-E-L-L-O!!!” And in the next round, was asked to tell a story. Her version of “The Three Bears” went like this:

“Momma bear was outside in the garden, and baby bear came out and asked her ‘what are you doing?’ and mama bear said ‘something else’ and baby bear was like ‘ok’….” story continues in a similar nonsensical fashion.

The fact that Harmony thought “Something Else” was an acceptable answer to the question “what are you doing” was beyond hysterical to me. It made me ponder the phrase at great length.

Shortly thereafter, I received as a gift my first and only pet. A frog. I named him “Something Else.” Something Else had a full life that ended abruptly after a freak “broken arm” incident that may or may not have been my fault and which no vet or pet shop seemed interested in helping with.

In the following years, I used the “Something Else” name as a screenname online. Turned out there weren’t too many online sites where that “name” wasn’t already used, so I morphed it into “othersomethings” and thus…we arrive where we are today.

Part 2.

Today, as a surprise, Shannon took me out to lunch to the new(ish) place on the Corner, T.R. Frogs. We’d gotten a pizza from there before, and decided it was OK enough to try their $5 lunch special. Having a toddler, we received the kids menu with crayons for coloring and what not.

Towards the end of coloring in the frog on the front, I flipped the menu over to see that the back had a list of “Frog Facts.” I was curious. (You’re thinking…”I see what you did there. you were coloring instead of Ella. nice.” I’m thinking back “heck yes.”)

Reading down the facts, I got to this one. I’ve highlighted it in red, you can’t miss it.

WOW.

Just…WOW WOW WOW. How close CAN you be to Cuba without actually BEING in Cuba? Are we talking the line between international waters? Are we talking floating on the tide and just BARELY not touching the sand? Are we talking…HOVERING?!

I need to meet this frog. And is it literally THE smallest frog? Like the 1 individual smallest ever measured? Or is it the entire species of smallest frogs? And if they’re the smallest, how small are they? AND WHERE THE HECK ARE THEY ON THE COAST OF CUBA?!? This would have been on national geographic by now FOR SURE.

This gets better. I continue reading the “fact sheet” and notice that one fact states that the largest frog in the world can be up to 10 pounds. Then the very last fact, on the bottom of the page, says the largest frog in North America can be up 12 pounds. Hmmmmm…

So I made the necessary notes and dropped it off with the blond hostess at the front desk. As I pointed out the whole “distance from Cuba” problem she started laughing. So I hope things get righted. And I hope the print run on those kids menus wasn’t too extravagant.

And so, I have finally talked about frogs on my blog that was in a round-about way named after a beloved frog.

The End.

I play a game on my phone here. The game itself is unimportant, but what is important is that while it loads, it displays a little box with a “fun fact” for your viewing pleasure.

Sometimes while waiting for the game to load, I actually read the fun fact, and consequently…I have to stop and think about it. First, I doubt the veracity of some of their facts. But second, and I think MORE importantly, I have to question how fun some of these facts really are. Allow me to give some REAL actual from the game examples.

• “Fun fact: exocannibals eat only their enemies. Indocannibals eat only their friends.”

• “Fun fact: 2500 newborn babies will be dropped in the next month.”

• “Fun fact: 2 out of 3 adults in the United States have hemorrhoids.”

OK, I don’t know about you but I like to think I have a decent sense of humor, and a grasp of what the word “fun” means. And I don’t think any of the above ACTUAL examples fit the “fun fact” category.

Let’s forget whether the information is factual or not. WHO IS EATING THEIR FRIENDS!?!?!?! Enemies, ok…whatever. You’re a cannibal and I’m not going to argue with your logic. But eating your friends?!? Man. That’s harsh.

the second one, people are dropping babies, I get it. But I’ve never seen someone drop a baby and felt any sense of enjoyment. I do not consider that a fun fact. An unfortunate and sad one, perhaps. Fun, no.

The hemorrhoids one, I’m not even going there. Draw your own conclusions.

Perhaps I should write the company and let them know they have a looming problem.  Either remove the clearly “not fun facts” from the rotation, or remove the word “fun” because SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET HURT. I should word it like that. Makes it sound threatening, right? Yeah. I’ll threaten them with bodily harm.

How’s that “fun” fact for you?

Having a toddler is cracking me up.

She thinks things and does things that most people do, but there is usally some flaw with the process.

For example, blowing on your food. Great! excellent skill to master. Blowing on your cheerios? Uh…not so much.

Learning how to turn in a circle? Wow, good job! Turning in a circle for 20 minutes and making yourself sick and dizzy? Hm. No.

Climbing up and down, yea! That’s good to know so you don’t get stuck somewhere. Climbing onto the piano and eating dirt from my houseplants? Now that’s just dumb.

One of her favorite words is “yeah.” she’ll agree with you on just about anything. Sometimes I think she knows what it means and other times I think she’s just saying it. She knows “no” as well, but hasn’t really applied that one yet, thankfully.

And then there’s yesterday…she runs straight to fountains whenever she sees them, but when you actually WANT her to play in them, oh heck no. She’d rather stand ten feet away and watch with her hand held out like the water should come to HER. She would rather pick up acorns and hand them to me than go down the slide. And she REALLY wants to go stand under the play area where the 8 year old boys are playing with lightsabres so she can get whacked in the head.

Yeah she cracks me up. And makes me shake my head in confusion. And makes me want to learn CPR. I should probably do that, huh?

I knew the answer, but looked it up anyway. The following is from wikianswers.com:

What is the World’s fastest Animal?
It would depend on the race.

If there were a flying race, the Spine- tailed Swift would win (106mph).

If there were a running race, the Cheetah would win (70mph).

If there were a swimming race the Shortfin Mako shark would win. According to the ReefQuest Centre for Shark Research, ‘It has been reliably clocked at 31 miles (50 kilometres) per hour, and there is a claim that one individual of this species achieved a burst speed of 46 miles (74 kilometres) per hour.’

The Peregrine Falcon is the fasted bird that dives head-first down through the sky. They can travel up to 200mph!

OK, so something in that caught my attention. Did it catch yours? In the bit about the shark.

“there is a claim that one individual of this species achieved a burst speed of 46 miles (74 kilometres) per hour.”

Woah there…wait a sec. Did we just find the fastest shark? The Michael Phelps of the animal kingdom? Did the random measurement by an aquatic passerby just HAPPEN to find THE fastest shark among the Makos?!

Honestly, I really doubt it. These measurements of animal speed are making me laugh, because it’s like asking “which blade of grass is the greenest?” well, this blade is pretty green. But then, I haven’t checked out all the other blades not immediately in front of me.

Seriously. Have they tagged every cheetah in existence? How do they know there isn’t a record breaker among them? How do they know cheetahs aren’t just camera shy and hit the breaks when people are watching? Maybe we make them nervous! Maybe the cheetahs gather on the weekends and have friendly races for bragging rights as THE fastest!

I think it’s time we had an animal Olympics. Let’s see what these animals are REALLY made of. Our current gauge of animal speed is so unfair to the animals. It’s completely possible I’d say, that when they were measuring the birds, they just happened to be measuring the third string athletes, the stars were off training in another town that day.

We don’t measure human speed outside of controlled environments. It’s a double standard to expect animals to give us their best in natural conditions, besides…preliminary rounds could really teach us a lot about animal sportsmanship.

If children’s TV has taught me ANYTHING it’s that animals are just itching for equality among the talking species.

Everyone knows wise advice can be found in fortune cookies.

“You find beauty in ordinary things, do not lose this ability.”

or

“A thrilling time is in your immediate future.”

Things that  anyone with half a brain could type up and ship off to Chinese take outs across the nation, knowing they’ve enriched lives in doing so.

This however, I have never seen the likes of. It’s wisdom is so far beyond my  comprehension that I fear I’ll never truly understand or appreciate the full meaning.

If you can, in any way offer enlightement on what you are about to witness, please do not hesitate.

wha......?!?!

Help me. Please. Please, make this make sense!!!