I remember with Ella being so frustrated that she had no distinguishing ability between the concepts of “night” and “day”. Between “happy”, “OK” and “pretty bad”. Babies can be so polar in their behavior and understanding. And as a first time mom, it drove me insane. I went sleepless.
This is not currently the case. When my daughter slept poorly, my son’s sleeping habits amaze me. When my daughter ate nonstop and gained weight at glacial speed, my son knows when he’s had enough and gains weight like a wrestler edging into the next bracket. When my daughter expressed her displeasure with a slow buildup and remarkable endurance, my son goes from zero to angry in two breaths and stays there until he decides sleeping or staring is better.
What I’m trying to say is that Ella and Django couldn’t be more different.
And I couldn’t feel more different as a mother from first to second time around.
I’m growing accustomed to life as mom+kids. I’m having a hard time remembering single or married Leah, it’s just mommy Leah now. I used to check my own oil. Now I check diapers. I used to spend 10+ hours a day on the computer earning $$. Now it’s a feat to spend 1. I used to look down at my chest and think “I wonder what it’s like to have a bust line?” now I think “I hope I don’t run into anyone who thinks feeding babies from these things is weird.”
Motherhood has exponentially changed me. I love being a mom.
I love my children. That is probably why you won’t see me on “60 minutes” or profiled as the woman you pity/think is crazy.
And I am kind of blown away by the realization that my mother had a similar journey in life. And so did her mother. And so on.
This mothers day, while reflecting on all the things that your mother is to you, and how much you love her…consider how much she loves you. She sacrificed things you’ll never know she dreamed about in exchange for you, your health, your wellbeing, your success. And your mere existence, let alone fulfillment of those sacrifices were enough satisfaction for her to love you no matter what.
I look forward to the day when my children understand their appreciation for me and choose of their own volition to celebrate that. It only took me 20 years…and until then, I’m happy to recognize my own mother – Lora – as an example of motherhood that is difficult to match. I love you mom, and even with your faults you are a discernible example of what a caring and Godly mother looks like.
I guess it took being a mom myself to understand that.